Conducting funerals · Practical tool

Funeral service outlines

Four ready-to-follow orders of service, according to the person who died. A frame, not a cage: adapt, cut, add.

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The golden rule · in all four

Never pronounce on the salvation of the deceased, one way or the other: God alone knows the heart. But preach hope · death does not have the last word, and the promise of resurrection is offered to all. We console with hope; we do not hand out verdicts.

When people outside the faith are present · which is almost always the case · the service must be understood without a translator. Explain or replace every insider word. Scripture readings stay short and set in one sentence. We name the reality of death plainly, and hope in clear words.
Avoid or explain
"sanctified", "the elect", "the state of the dead", "soul sleep", "it was his time", "God called him home", "he is now in heaven".
Prefer
"the one who has left us", "he rests, awaiting the promised waking", "we believe death is not the end", "a hope offered to everyone".

A · An older believer

A long life, an expected death · register: gratitude and hope.

  1. Welcome and opening wordsSay plainly why we are gathered: to give thanks for a life, and to stand together in grief.
  2. Hymn or music
  3. Opening prayerShort, for everyone · including those who don't usually pray.
  4. Tribute · the lifeThe person, their ties, what they sowed. Not a sermon.
  5. ReadingE.g. Psalm 23, set in one sentence.
  6. Word of hopeBrief: death does not have the last word; the promise of reunion.
  7. Hymn
  8. Closing prayer and sending

→ Committal at the grave: see The committal.

B · Sudden death or accident

Shock, a very mixed assembly · register: name the shock, do not explain the unexplainable.

  1. A sober welcomeAcknowledge the shock and the incomprehension, without trying to resolve them.
  2. Music or a time of silence
  3. A simple prayerGive words to those who have none.
  4. TributeThe life, the memories; leave room for loved ones.
  5. Short readingE.g. "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted" (Ps 34:18).
  6. A measured word of hopePromise nothing false; hold the light without forcing.
  7. A time for the familyA candle, a gesture, a word.
  8. Hymn or closing prayer

→ Committal. Banish "it was his time", "God willed it": see Facing suffering.

C · A child or baby

Stillbirth, young child · register: maximum tenderness, minimal doctrine, protect the parents.

  1. A very gentle welcomeName the child.
  2. Soft music
  3. A symbolic gestureA flower, an object, a short text read by a loved one.
  4. Acknowledge the felt injusticeSay that this pain is legitimate.
  5. A short, tender readingJesus takes the children in his arms (Mark 10:13-16).
  6. A very sober word of hopeTo see them again, without theorizing.
  7. Prayer for the parents and siblings
  8. Hymn and sending

→ A brief committal; protect the parents. See also The grief no one names.

D · Someone little known to the church, or a non-believer

A mostly outside assembly · register: maximum accessibility and honesty.

  1. WelcomeExplain in one sentence the meaning of such a service · not a judgment on the deceased.
  2. Music
  3. TributeCenter on the life and the ties; that is what gathers everyone.
  4. A universal readingE.g. Ecclesiastes 3 ("a time for everything"), explained.
  5. An open, inclusive prayer
  6. Hope offered, not imposed"Here is what we believe…" · an invitation, never a verdict.
  7. A shared time of stillness
  8. Sending

→ A sober committal. Pronounce no verdict on the deceased's salvation: hope without presuming.