Gather a few people to support one another, without becoming a therapist. This guide sets the frame, the posture and the safeguards, to help without harming.
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The body of Christ is made to care for itself: “Carry one another's burdens” (Galatians 6:2). You don't need to be a psychologist to offer a presence that lifts up, but you need a frame. Without one, a well-meaning group can wound.
Weeping alone releases tension;
weeping together brings healing.
Before the rules and the outline: the heart. A group is only worth the way people are loved in it.
The apostle gave not only the gospel but his very self (1 Th 2:8). Give both: the Word, and yourself.
“It's normal to hurt.” “Climb into the casket” with the person: weep with those who weep (Rom 12:15). Presence first.
“It's possible to hope.” At the right time, never too soon: the hope of the resurrection, the story retold in the light of the gospel.
“It's horrible to sin, wonderful to be forgiven.” When guilt weighs, lead toward grace, without accusing.
“It's supernatural to grow.” Fan into flame the gift of God (2 Tim 1:6): one step, to their measure.
Trying to heal, correct or guide someone you haven't first sustained. Stay long in the first movement.
Some suffering also has a physical or medical cause (Christ-Centered Biblical Counseling): referring to a doctor or psychologist is no lack of faith, God heals through care too.
It is a space for sharing and mutual support, among peers, where each person can be heard without being judged or corrected. You bring what you are going through; you receive presence, listening, prayer.
You are not there to solve. You are a faithful presence, not a therapist (see Walking through the wound). Your competence is not clinical expertise: it is presence, listening and the Word. The whole people of God is called to support one another, “far more than counseling” (drawing on B. Kellemen's biblical counseling).
The hardest part isn't speaking, it's suspending your own need to reply and your assumptions about what the other will say (M. Nichols, The Lost Art of Listening). Emotion pushes you to correct or defend: don't give in. Your aim isn't to be right, but that the other feels understood, “felt”, as M. Goulston puts it (Just Listen): be more interested than interesting.
True presence doesn't come from your answers, but from a heart that has learned silence and compassion (after H. Nouwen, Out of Solitude). The first service isn't to solve, it's to be there.
A good question opens; a bad one closes, judges or comforts too fast. This holds for the intake interview and for the sessions.
Ask: “What brings you? What do you hope for from the group? Are you currently seeing a professional?” And, gently, the safety question: “Do you ever think about harming yourself?”, if yes, refer individually before the group (see safeguards).
Avoid: going into the details of the trauma; promising the group will “fix” everything.
What is said in the group stays in the group. (This rule has one limit: see “Caring carefully”.)
Silence is allowed and respected. You share if you wish, as much as you wish.
No interrupting. Everyone has a place; the facilitator makes sure no one monopolizes.
Each person speaks about themselves. No commenting on or “reframing” what another just said.
We welcome, we don't correct. “Weep with those who weep” (Romans 12:15) before trying to help.
Between 6 and 10 people. Beyond that, words stop circulating: split in two.
A session follows the movement of biblical grieving: first welcome the pain and the lament, and only then bring comfort and hope. We sustain before we heal (after the biblical model of grieving, RPM Ministries), for “shared sorrow is endurable sorrow” (R. Kellemen, Grief: Walking with Jesus).
When a person is overwhelmed, don't try to reason with them: help them “exhale”, let the emotion out, simply naming it (“that sounds heavy… take your time”). Calm comes after expression, not before (M. Goulston).
Your presence does not replace professional care: it accompanies it. Knowing when to refer is not a failure, it is love with discernment. (See the Pastoral assessment tool.)
A doctor, a psychologist; and if the danger is immediate, emergency services.
Distress that lasts, isolation, badly disrupted sleep or eating, inability to function day to day: gently raise the idea of professional support.
Sadness, discouragement, questions, the need to be heard and carried: this is exactly what the group is for.